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EXCERPT: Caught With Pants Down

Written by 

Omoruyi Uwuigiaren





It was a lazy evening. After a long hard day’s work, Jim Paterson stumbled out of his office to catch a bit of fresh air at his balcony as he awaited the arrival of his friend, Frank. The poor soul was an integral part of Jim’s life and their bond have reached the high heavens. Two creatures brought together by mutual love could no longer live apart. Jim is a perfect gentleman in good shape. Towering high, brown piggy eyes and his head like an egg. All the good things of this life are well within his reach including thin lips hidden under a heavy line of mustache.

As Jim stared vaguely at the outside world, a lady whom he had barely knew alighted from a taxi at the other side of the road. She hung her bag on her shoulder and held it firmly to her body. Once the taxi drove off, it left trails of dust in the air, much to her dismay. She took out her handkerchief from the bag and covered her nose before the dust could invade her body and inflict havoc. She looked here and there to make sure that no vehicle was approaching before she threw her body on the dusty road and dashed to the other side where creatures like Jim claimed lordship. Her pair of legs carried her into the street as Jim fixed his gaze on her.

The cruel road that runs across the town and disappears into the horizon only leaves a trail of waste. It was a sour taste in the mouth because parts of the road are deplorable. All of which are constant reminder that life is tough.  

She lives down the street where she is in control. It was rumored that she owns the building she lives. At any rate, Jim knew she lives around but has never bothered to ask her out. She was one of the people that made the street lively and stretched.  

She was a curvy creature and slightly tanned. She has a good height and fully developed feminine body. Her movements were coordinated as if unable to hurt a fly. Beauty is good but can sometimes be a terrible curse. Between the skirmishes and blur lines, some still survive to tell the sad tale of being bruised. It all amount to something gravely enshrined in our lives. It is tough to swallow and hard to believe that the world resonates around beautiful people—in character and look.  

By the time she was close enough, she raised her head, glanced at Jim Paterson who was expecting what he felt the lady knows how to do best. “Good evening,” her face broke into a gap-toothed smile.  

“Good evening,” Jim smiled back and waved his hand in acknowledgement. It was now a ritual for her to greet him anytime they meet. “How was your day?” Jim asked.

“Great!” she responded, clutching her bag close to her body and deliberately slowed down to catch a glimpse of his overly handsome look. “And yours? I hope you are good.”

Jim rose to vertical, his hands still on the rail. “Yes,” he answered. “But I’m a little bored.”

“Why will a handsome man like you be bored?” She finally stopped and probed.

“I have been working all day!” Jim disclosed, slightly shifted his weight to one leg. “Doing the same thing all over again is not easy.”

“If you are bored, take some time off,” she advised, grinning. “Do something else or go home and rest.”

“I don’t want to go home now. I need someone to talk to. I am expecting a friend but I doubt if he will make it today. I tried to call him but his lines are all switched off.”

She paused and slowly asked, “Don’t you have a wife or partner?”

They exchanged look. He said, “I will answer your question some other time. Can we talk for a minute? I have always wanted to ask you some questions.”

“You’ve always wanted to talk to me?” she laughed. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. Check my face and read my lips, you will see that I am serious. You greet me a lot. I think I need to know more about you.”

“Well,” she chuckled. “I cannot say much here on my feet…”

“I know,” he interjected. “Can you join me in my office? I won’t take much of your time.”

“Your office?” She made a face as if the idea was a bad one. She sighed, “I am rushing somewhere…”

“Please, I know you are a busy person. Just spare me some time. I won’t take much of your time.”

She shifted her weight to one leg and asked, “Are you sure you are not going to waste my time?”

“Yes,” Jim nodded his head. “I won’t.”

“Look, I am hungry. I need to get home and eat.”

“I will be swift. I promise.”

“Ah,” she hissed. She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and dragged her feet to him.

“Thank you,” Jim smiled and led the lady into his office.






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